August 21, 2013

"Pride and Blood-work"

Dear Reader,

I consider myself to be a pretty tough guy when it comes to needles. They don't bother me! I'm like..."It's just a flipping shot! In and out, and you're done!"... Sam and I were at the doctors office about a month ago, getting shots for who knows what. I quickly chose the "parent chair" forcing Sam to sit up on the crackly paper patient bench. The nurse brought in the needles and Sam had to go first. She got a swab and started to wipe Sam's forearm. They stuck a needle in and I was thinking to myself...."Holy crap. What the heck? His forearm?" Sam saw my face, and it freaked him out too. I don't blame him.

They took care of the shot, and Sam got really pale. The nurse made him lie down and drink some juice. My mom and I laughed at his inability to handle just one small shot. It took a long time for him to get his color back, and after that happened, it was time for my shot. I handled it like a boss. I even looked down as the shot it into my forearm. It was a skin test or something, so it made a bubble on my arm. "Dude...this is legit!" I said, fascinated.

After that whole ordeal, my mom and I totally badgered Sam. "Oh! You're afraid of a little needle?"
It was pretty bad. I became a little prideful. I'm like..."Needles don't bother me at all!"

Today, Sam and I went downtown to another doctor's office to get blood drawn for some tests. Mom and I bothered him a lot more about his fear of needles. "If you feel dizzy, Sam, tell the nurse!" "It's gonna be okay." "Don't cry..." He made us go out of the room while he had his blood drawn, and we obliged. When we came back, he was completely fine, and the nurse told us that he did great. It was my turn, now.

I sat down in the chair, and confidently waited for the nurse to get her stuff ready. She swabbed my arm, and I looked away. The needle went in (ouch.) and she started to draw blood. She filled a vial. Then another vial. And another. And another. And another. Every time she switched a vial out, she moved the needle around and it hurt. She filled another vial, and it felt like she had taken the needle out. I looked over, and she hadn't taken the needle out. Sam walked into the room as I watched her take the needle out. It seemed like that needle was never going to end. Next to me, on a little plastic tray, was all of the blood they had just drawn. I looked at it, and I thought..."Holy crap. That's a lot of blood. That's a lot of my blood. Doesn't my body need that?"...I felt all of the blood leave my face, but it didn't seem like a big deal. My vision got blurry for a second, but then it cleared up. I thought, "Well, that was the worst of it." I grabbed some apple juice that they put next to me, and I drank some of it. The nurse was moving around the room, doing whatever it is that nurses do. I started to think about something normal, and then all of my thoughts became extremely bizarre, like I was in some weird, abstract dream world. Then everything was black..........

Waking up was freaky. It was just like being in the movies. It was very sudden. Very sudden. I regained consciousness and there were two nurses right in front of me. I had no idea what was happening. I didn't know I had blacked out, and I asked "Where am I?"....Because, to be completely honest, I didn't know. After a few seconds, I remembered that I was at the doctor's office. The nurse was calling out to other nurses. "I need blank blank blankity blank!!" I felt very relaxed, like I had just woken up from a great night's sleep. The nurses leaned my chair back and put ice packs on my forehead and neck. Those things were flipping cold. I just laid there, wondering what all the commotion was.

Apparently, as soon as I blacked out, I started seizing/shaking, and my eyes rolled back in my head. All in a day's work, I guess.

I would just like to formally apologize to Sweetcheeks for making fun of his fear of needles, because I totally passed out.

Like a boss. NM

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