July 4, 2012

"Fireworks + Nick Merrill - Common Sense... "

Dear Reader,

I really enjoy blowing things up. To illustrate this, I'd like to take this time to tell you a little of my past firework follies and successes. Here goes.

When I go to the firework store, it is a little overwhelming. I look around and can't help but imagine the destructive possibilities. "Well, If I stuff three firecrackers inside a tank, and put that inside a soda box filled with sparklers..." etc. I have experimented extensively regarding the matter and I've only come up with one rule to restrict myself. Don't die.

With this in mind, I purchased my yearly fireworks and went home. Despite the fact that it was July 2nd, I was out there at 7pm with my firecrackers...and creative destruction ensued. I was putting firecrackers in potted plants, storm sewers, water bottles, light poles, mud, and mailboxes. I was putting firecrackers in my HAND, waiting until the last second, and then throwing them in the air. 

But those were just little firecrackers. I wanted a bigger bang for more buck, and so I pulled out the artillery shells. (Those are the big ones that explode high in the air once they're shot from a tube) I decided that putting them up in the air was lame, so I set two of them on the street. After tying their fuses together, I lit them and ran a little ways off onto the front part of the lawn. One of them exploded before the other, and I soon found myself in a dangerous situation...the other artillery shell still had its fuse burning, and it was headed straight towards my face. 

I think my body did some weird survival instinct thingy, and I leapt (no exaggeration) 13 feet. I had some onlooking friends, and they were also confused about how I accomplished that. I'm here to tell you that I didn't want an explosive in my face, so I got out of there. (Luckily, the murderous shell extinguished in the dew of the grass, and I was fine.)

This is just one year. I've been through countless other near-burn experiences...and I won't be putting down those firecrackers any time soon. 

Because they're flipping fun, NM

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